


if the elevator tries to bring you down (punch a higher floor)

by fieryrondo



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: 2017 World Figure Skating Championships, Gen, much Pooh squeezing and general plush abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-12 23:43:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10501923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fieryrondo/pseuds/fieryrondo
Summary: "If you squeeze him any harder, his head's going to stay like that."A pause."You okay?""Is very angry 'okay'?" Yuzuru asks Brian."Angry...we can work with that."Brian and Yuzuru talk after the men's short program at the 2017 World Championships in Helsinki.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Still bitter about that deduction. You know the one.
> 
> The obligatory RPF disclaimer: this is obviously a work of fiction and characters featured are not meant to represent their actual real life counterparts.
> 
> The title, of course, is excerpted from Prince's "Let's Go Crazy", Yuzuru Hanyu's 2016-17 short program. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

“You lose skates?”

 

A shrug.

 

“Yup, apparently they’re stranded in Oslo.”

 

“You not worry?”

 

“Nope.” Javi punctuates his reply by dribbling a football before throwing it neatly in the air and catching it with both hands. He catches the Japanese skater’s side-long glance before laughing.

 

“Of course I'm worried. It’s fine. Really. I wasn’t even planning on skating tomorrow anyway. La Liga stuff to do. Got Brian’s okay.”

 

With a happy sigh, he flops down Yuzuru’s bed, stretching luxuriously on the comforter.

 

“Oh no. Get off please.”

 

“Oh, come on, it’s still early.”

 

“I have morning practice tomorrow,” Yuzuru crisply says. Javi catches the edge of warning and turns around, ball cradled against his chest.

 

“You okay? You seem kind of tense. Relax a little, yeah?”

 

“Is Worlds.” Yuzuru turns to unpack his suitcase, pulling out Pooh-san and setting him on the bedside table. He continues to unpack his things, laying out his set of training clothes for the next day. Midway during an inspection of his skates, he feels a slight pressure against his back.

 

“Yu-zu~ Yu-zu~ You should listen to Javi more. Javi _es muy inteligente y sabio_. Very smart and wise.”

 

A laugh escapes as Yuzuru pivots around to grab Pooh-san from the Spaniard’s hands.

 

“Pooh-san only speak Japanese.”

 

Javi grins. “There. That’s what I wanted to see.”

 

“Sorry?” Yuzuru cocks his head.

 

“Never mind.” Javi hops off the bed and dusts his hands. “I won’t keep you from your rest. You’re probably super jetlagged as it is with flying all the way from Japan.”

 

A strange, but familiar silence settles around them like a thick fog when Yuzuru, still clutching Pooh-san in his arms, sees Javi to the door. Even Javi’s good-natured smile fades a little as they stop to assess each other, eyes sharpening with the light of competition.

 

“Hope you find your skates.”

 

“Oh, I’m sure things will work out.” Javi eyes Pooh-san. Yuzuru, sensing his intent, holds out the stuffed tissue box. Javi rubs the bear’s ears affectionately before dropping his hand. “Good luck then.”

 

“Yes, good luck.”

 

The door closes between them. Yuzuru returns to his unpacking.

 

* * *

 

For the first time in a long while, Yuzuru finds himself enjoying practice at Worlds. He says hello to little Elizabet, hugs her mom, and exchanges greetings with Tracy and Brian, who hover by the boards like anxious mother hens incubating their first clutch of eggs. The ice in the main rink takes some getting used to, but it almost feels like a regular practice day. With practiced ease, Yuzuru juggles his media responsibilities with his pre-competition practice routines, practicing his strokes, his transitions, and of course, his jumps, which all seem to take turns misbehaving like petulant children eager for parental spoiling.

 

Quad sal is as temperamental as ever, perfectly docile when executed alone but refusing to cooperate in combination. Quad loop, a previously reliable friend, throws a fit every now and then, as if emboldened by quad sal’s disobedience. Even his beloved triple axel gets a little mischievous on him, and the absurdity of falling on his triple axel is so shocking, Yuzuru can’t help but burst out laughing. The jumps aren’t perfect, but they will be. (They must be.) So Yuzuru works on the jumps, with a smile on his face and a song in his heart. He closes his ears to the whispers of the possibility of a six-quad program, the hushed voices of possible emergency quad jump layouts, the hauntings of the elusive quad axel, and focuses only the quality of his skating, the rhythm of his jumps. He savors the sensation of flying over the ice, of digging his blades deep, and of zooming across the rink like a dart. He teases Brian and Tracy mercilessly, plays with Pooh-san and consults with Kikuchi-san, who records Yuzuru’s practices with his steady diligence.

 

The air feels good in his lungs as Yuzuru freely breathes.

 

* * *

 

Somehow, the short program, which he has been looking forward to for the entire season, comes all too quickly.

 

It doesn’t quite hit Yuzuru that he’s first to skate until they announce the last minute of the warm-up. Despite Tracy’s soothing aura and Brian’s reassuring presence, Yuzuru suddenly feels the chill of the air snake into his lungs, freezing his breaths and accelerating his beating heart. The self-induced serenity uncloaks itself as a phantasm of fear and Yuzuru finds himself resisting the urge to shake. It’s not hard--he’s done this before--but the onslaught of nerves takes away much of his concentration as he skates to the boards. He accepts the water bottle from Brian, is about to take a quick sip when he glances at the boards and realizes Pooh-san is missing.

 

His heart seizes, the wave of panic washing over to drown what was left of his calm. Language abandons him entirely and his eyes sweep up and down while Brian looks on, confused. To Yuzuru’s relief, Pooh-san is safely ensconced in Kikuchi-san’s arms and Yuzuru gestures with his bottle before he raps the boards impatiently. The pressure from his throat eases as Brian fetches Pooh-san and places him in his rightful place on the ledge.

 

Brian is almost successful in concealing his concern but Yuzuru hardly notices, focusing his energy to listen to Brian before they shake hands. Yuzuru gives Pooh-san a firm squeeze, the plush fabric soothing his fingers before he hurries off to the center of the ice, his hands flying like scattered birds as he goes through his axis checks.

  
As the opening notes of _Let’s Go Crazy_  filter in from the arena speakers _,_ Yuzuru lets out a tight but controlled breath, the bundle of nerves inside of him tightening into rods of steel.

 

* * *

 

If there was a blessing to be had for his short program placement, it was that Yuzuru didn’t have to face the usual number of reporters, though there had still been plenty. Brian had been quick to usher him to a side exit, instead of the main one used by the other skaters. Tracy had given his hand a gentle squeeze, mouthing a “don’t be hard on yourself” before slipping away to leave him alone with his thoughts. Yuzuru is grateful for the quiet, soaking it in as he slowly unlaces his boots and pulls off his skates. After changing out of his costume and back into his street clothes, Yuzuru looks at Pooh-san, still perched on the bench, the last thing to go in the suitcase. A thousand feelings shatter like glass in his gaze. He hesitates, then reaches to grab the plush and pull it into his lap. Hugging it tight, he kneads Pooh-san’s head in slow squeezes, at an easy tempo that quickens with every squeeze, faster and faster and--

 

"If you squeeze him any harder, his head's going to stay like that.”

 

A pause. Fingers freeze in mid-squeeze but do not leave the plush.

 

"You okay?"

 

"Is very angry 'okay'?" Yuzuru asks Brian.

  
"Angry...we can work with that." Brian strides into the room. “Mind if I sit down?” Yuzuru nods before scooting over to make room for his coach. In doing so, Pooh-san leaves his lap and falls on the floor, belly side up, exposing its tissue box interior. Yuzuru ignores Pooh-san, pointedly fiddling with a bracelet on his left wrist. One of the stones is chipped. After a few moments, Brian bends over to pick up the plush.

 

"Leave it."

 

Brian's fingers twitch.

 

"Yuzu--"

 

"Leave it, I get it later." Yuzuru turns his face away, humiliation burning through every pore of his skin.

 

"Yuzu, please. Look at me."

 

Yuzuru looks, not quite willing to meet Brian's eyes, which are unbearably kind and full of understanding. Brian has Pooh-san in his lap, the bright yellow and red colors contrasting with the dark colors the Canadian wore. Pooh-san, as usual, looks ridiculously out of place in his coach's lap but yet Brian seemed entirely comfortable with the plush anyway, even absentmindedly massaging Pooh's ears as he spoke.

 

 "Can I tell you a story?"

 

"It was at Worlds, many years ago, in Budapest. You've ever been to Budapest before?"

 

An uncertain headshake.

 

"Beautiful city. Of course, back then, I wasn't really there to enjoy it." Brian smooths the wrinkles on Pooh-san's face. "It was Worlds. Right after the Olympics, where I missed the gold by a hair after botching a jump and leaving out a second triple axel."

 

A soft snort.

 

"Hey, you might laugh but back in my day, triple axels were hot stuff. Most men couldn't do them well at all. Men now still have trouble, even with the new fangled quads. Of course, it was also at Budapest, Kurt Browning landed the first ratified quad--the quad toe-loop, making history. I was happy for him, of course, but all I could think about was beating Boitano, who'd beaten me just weeks ago in Calgary, in front of the home crowd."

 

"You're fortunate you've never had to do compulsory figures. Tedious, nerve-wracking exercise. You'd just hover in the back waiting as all of these judges circled around your figure and evaluated how pretty it looked and how smooth the edge-work was. Real technical stuff, nothing artistic about it. No jumping whatsoever. I was terrible at them." A tap on Pooh's nose. "Still terrible at them--as Tracy will tell you."

 

A giggle.

 

"I came in fifth for compulsory figures. It was that moment I felt I had already lost. To have failed at Calgary already and then to fail at Budapest...that was the kind of season that was going to mark the end of my career."

 

"What about short program?"

 

"Well, Boitano won that segment too." A grimace as Brian's hand squishes Pooh's head a little more. "People were crazy for his tano triple lutz. And he was a very technically powerful skater."

 

Yuzuru's lips twitch. "You hate tanos."

 

"Well, I wouldn't say that I _hate_ \--"

 

"Liza tell me."

 

"No, I don't hate them. I just don't like them." A pause as Brian collects himself. "And if I catch you or Javi or Jun-hwan deciding to add one to your programs, well, I'll--"

 

"You go crazy?"

 

"Well, no, I would hope I could talk you out of it. But I'd probably have a stiff gin first." Brian huffs. "But back to Budapest. So I was fifth in compulsory figures, and second in the short, still behind Boitano. There was no way I could defend my title unless Boitano made some huge error--falls were graded much more harshly back in the 6.0 system--I honestly was ready to just throw the towel in at that point."

 

"How you do in free skate?"

 

To the Japanese skater's surprise, Brian only smiles secretively and bends down to whisper something in Pooh-san's ear.

 

"I've told Pooh not to tell you. It's a secret."

 

Brian laughs at the look on Yuzuru's face. "You can look it up if you're actually curious, but you don't have to. You don't need to. Everything you need, you've already learned, the same lessons you learn with every skate. The perfect skates are exhilarating but the imperfect ones are the ones that teach you the most. And those lessons are more valuable than all the titles in the world. I left Calgary with regrets but Budapest, the last competitive skate of my life--I really enjoyed it. Every second of it. Those four and half minutes, that time, the ice, is yours, no one else's. You are under no obligations to live up to anyone's expectations but your own. Not mine, not the federation, not the media, not even the world. You skate the way you want to skate, the way only Yuzuru Hanyu can. Do you understand?"

 

 A nod.

 

"I want clean good free skate. Skate with no regret."

 

"Then let's work on getting there."

 

Brian checks his phone. "Tracy just texted, we'd best be getting back to the hotel. Do you need a few minutes?" He offers Pooh-san to Yuzuru.

 

Yuzuru accepts Pooh-san and squishes its head before tucking it under his arm. He lets out a breath, slow and deep, until he can feel the pulse of his heart settle to its usual rhythm, his own beat, his own way.

 

"I'm ready now." 

**Author's Note:**

> **Real World Parallel Footnotes**
> 
>  
> 
> Now that Worlds is actually behind us (!!!), I figured there is no harm in briefly explaining the parallel Brian was making in this fic.
> 
> [1] 1988 Olympics, the men's event famously called "Battle of the Brians" where Brian Orser met head to head with his career-long skating rival American skater Brian Boitano, who invented the tano jump (left arm raised over head in mid-jump) as part of his strategy to supplement his technical arsenal. It was an intense battle and Brian fell victim to the Canadian curse by losing the Olympic gold by 0.10 points.
> 
> [2] 1988 World Championships, the last competition of Brian's amateur skating career, Brian placed 5th in the compulsory figures section (Boitano 3rd), had a disastrous short program where he flubbed a combination jump (lol, Yuzu might appreciate the parallel); and came into the free skate, trailing a distant 3rd. At this point, it looked like he wasn't going to beat Boitano, and chose to skate for himself. But...of course, Brian being Brian, pulls off the free skate of his life in the free, winning the long program section with a dazzling performance. ^^


End file.
